in the rain..

i walked in the rain today.

i'm not sure why i did it. i could have easily taken a cab home, paid that 1500 L.L., sat on a worn leather seat, with the stuffing peeking from the one too many holes, and rested my feet on the clattering metal car floor, (if i was lucky i'd get a cab with a view of the asphalt road blurring from underneath me in streaks of shades of gray)

but i decided to walk.
at first it was the traffic that turned me off. i thought to myself the best thing to do was to walk past it and then grab a cab. there's nothing worse than a dinky stinky cab with a driver that makes eyes at you than being stationary in a dinky stinky cab with a driver that makes eyes at you.

so i walked up Sadat street towards City Cafe, and as i got to the corner, "The Tain" by the decemberists came on my ipod, and i thought what a shame to break the rhythm and get into a cab that had no idea of the beat in my head, and for the sake of saving me distress, i thought i'd walk a bit more.

It began to drizzle lightly, and although this would usually be the excuse of excuses for someone who just wanted to get home to grab a cab and avoid the damp, i pulled the hood of my sweater onto my head, and decided that the rain would be the reason i would walk on.

i like the rain, and it's been a while since i've had time to catch up with her, let her kiss my face, let her wash me clean.

i'd kissed in the rain, cried in the rain, laughed in the rain. and now i just wanted to feel her. It was my turn to give her my time.

my music was loud, the sky was gray, and my face was crying heaven's tears.

and i walked. i walked. and i felt out of this world.
my sentiments switched between two feelings.
in the first feeling i was invisible, and i was a voyeur of this wet winter day in Beirut, seeing people scurry from the threat of water, and cabs honk at anyone in hopes of reaping in some profit, and meet the gazes of passerbys wondering why i wasn't avoiding this adversary.
in the second, i was out of my own body, and i was seeing myself step in puddles, dodge cars, and attempt to roll a cigarette while walking, and just ending up with a flimsy rollie, smokable nonetheless.

all i could hear in the background was my music.

and on my ipod, the lyrics of one of the songs off the soundtrack of Cowboy Bebop plays.

"I walk in the rain, in the rain
Why do I feel so alone
For some reason I think of home"

i walked in the rain today.
and god did i miss her.